Blogspot, beverage containing no less than two grams of taurine.
Having done no work over the weekend, crunchtime really does suck. I've consumed nothing today but a sip of a sample can of "Monster Energy Drink" which I got from my friend who got it off a dude on a street corner. She was too afraid to drink it and passed it on to me as a sign of affection and fealty, obviously.
I can imagine drink technicians intending to emulate the taste of Red Bull with this. For the first second it hits the tongue, they succeeded. However, about two seconds later, the fetid aftertaste of socks and aspartate creeps in. Oddly enough, a review of the ingredients label reveals that it contains neither sock extract nor aspartic acid, so I figure what I'm actually tasting are the waste products of a radically mutant, possibly extraterrestrial bacterial lawn that, fed by unnatural sugars, instantly overgrows and cripples my tongue like the virus does in The Andromeda Strain.
Girl, this shit is nasty. Normally, looking back on the tasting experience and noting its shady origins, I'd worry that the drink was just a bath of anthrax spores. In this case, I worry not--I don't believe spores of any extant organism could survive being immersed in this liquid atrocity.
*Based on this entry and the one about the cookbook, I think I should just start a blog where I just hyperbolically condemn things.
Teflon Orchid
Having done no work over the weekend, crunchtime really does suck. I've consumed nothing today but a sip of a sample can of "Monster Energy Drink" which I got from my friend who got it off a dude on a street corner. She was too afraid to drink it and passed it on to me as a sign of affection and fealty, obviously.
I can imagine drink technicians intending to emulate the taste of Red Bull with this. For the first second it hits the tongue, they succeeded. However, about two seconds later, the fetid aftertaste of socks and aspartate creeps in. Oddly enough, a review of the ingredients label reveals that it contains neither sock extract nor aspartic acid, so I figure what I'm actually tasting are the waste products of a radically mutant, possibly extraterrestrial bacterial lawn that, fed by unnatural sugars, instantly overgrows and cripples my tongue like the virus does in The Andromeda Strain.
Girl, this shit is nasty. Normally, looking back on the tasting experience and noting its shady origins, I'd worry that the drink was just a bath of anthrax spores. In this case, I worry not--I don't believe spores of any extant organism could survive being immersed in this liquid atrocity.
*Based on this entry and the one about the cookbook, I think I should just start a blog where I just hyperbolically condemn things.
Teflon Orchid
posted by Byron at 6:03 PM
1 Comments:
i especially love the insignia.
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