Blogspot, Brown and Bubbly.
Liveblogging the Super Bowl
6:34
Whoops, I only start Liveblogging after the first half hour has passed. In that time, a grandiose Burger King musical ends with Brooke Burke topping a pile of girls dressed as condiments in a bun-shaped hoop dress. This adds a welcome element of cannibalism to my Whoppers.
6:35
The Associated Market was closed, so our household ended up going to KFC for our needs. Joe remarks that boneless original recipe was a good choice, which is untrue, since I’m a huge fan of ripping the cartilage off the ends of bones.
6:40
Although I figured that a Seahawk was a synonym for an osprey or some other fishing eagle, I’m told that it’s just a football team. Joe remarks how awesome it would be if the team was actually comprised of seahawks. This leads into a death spiral of non-sequiturs, ending with speculations about the supposed properties of the physical manifestation of the Miami Heat.
6:43
Justin cannot imagine life without the superimposed yellow line on the field. It becomes obvious that, much like wars are responsible for innovations like nylon and radar, the Superbowl is responsible for innovation in the field of little windows that pop up onscreen. I ask what the line means, for I do not know what a 'first down' entails.
6:45
Why yes, Nicholas. I would like another beer.
6:53
Joe looked-up the kid who shot up that gay bar in Massachusetts. It turns out he was a fan of Insane Klown Posse, apparently called a “juggalo.” Why is there a special name for them? I’m not sure how a conversation about a Pepsi commercial happened to spawn that conversation.
6:55
Our supply of wings is low. These football players have very appealing forearms.
6:59
Leonard Nimoy is in a commercial for Bayer. He does the voiceovers for Civilization 4, so I’ve already been hearing his voice for days.
7:01
Justin’s trying to explain the rules of football to Annie, which is a futile effort because she totally, like, doesn’t really care. Her attention is mostly fixated upon what the female sportscasters are wearing, and I’m not being sexist. They really look like they’ve been covered in cheap coffee ice cream and are wearing bicycle chains around their fat necks.
7:03
Joe kissed me about half a second after burping. He tastes of honey barbeque and acid.
7:06
My mom called to ask me if I wanted her to mail me immunization records. I told her I was watching football like a real man; whereupon hearing this she immediately apologizes and hangs up.
Annie just referred to me as both B-train and B-slice. I want to bang her so bad.
7:07
Our house is several weeks behind in our recycling, and our output of non-domestic beer bottles is mythical. Joe just joked that our kitchen table is like the Beer United Nations.
7:09
The yard-markers look like Roman Legion Standards in a fetching shade of international orange.
7:10
We are discussing the technical aspects of deleting our entire Tivo repertoire in anticipation for recording every single event of the Torino Olympics. Goodbye: Stella episode from mid-August.
7:14
In a commercial, a baseball player throws the ball and it strikes the camera. Reflexively, I draw back and raise my arms in defense. That is how good at sports I am.
7:17
Annie just got an update via cell phone that the Black Labs are winning the Puppybowl. A quick Google reveals that it airs on Animal Planet. Upon inspection, we find the cutest game ever—ever. There’s a camera at the bottom of the water bowl!
7:18
We realize that there is actually no way the Black Labs can possibly be 'winning' the Puppy Bowl, as the whole show is just puppies running around being mind-warpingly adorable.
7:27
Oh my God. It’s time for the Bissell Kitty Halftime Show!
7:29
After returning to the actual game, I was ignoring the television entirely until I heard the following. “They just pulled his pants down in order to tape up his groin.” Football hurts, I guess.
7:30
I contend that Ben Roethlisberger is attractive, but according to Joe, he’s ‘no Joey Harrington.’
7:35
The vaguely accented Overstock.com commercial lady becomes increasingly terrifying with each iteration of the franchise.
7:43
In a review of a disputed touchdown, the announcer says that this particular referee has only ruled to overturn an original call 23% of the time. It reminds me of the attention given to Samuel Alito’s ruling percentage in reference to employee discrimination lawsuits.
7:52
While the Burger King commercial was amazing, on the other end of the spectrum, is a spectacularly insipid hip-hop ode to Diet Pepsi. However, a brief romp on the 'rejected videos' section of brownandbubbly.com reveals a neo-dadaist interpretation of Diet Pepsi that has Joe dying of laughter.
8:02
Why yes, Nicholas. I would enjoy another beer.
8:06
Scrolling through the New York Times, I realize that I don’t much care for the Rolling Stones. Joe, whose eyes are still on the TV, refers to the halftime show as “flaccid.”
8:09
We’ve gone to Tivo for last night’s episode of Saturday Night Live to sustain us until the halftime show is over. Prince’s backup singers are great.
8:15
So much for my first liveblog ever. I've given up and started playing MegamanX. As of the time of my signing off, the score is
Seahawks: Whatever
Steelers: Some Multiple of 6 or 7
Also: Leigh's sister got married!
Liveblogging the Super Bowl
6:34
Whoops, I only start Liveblogging after the first half hour has passed. In that time, a grandiose Burger King musical ends with Brooke Burke topping a pile of girls dressed as condiments in a bun-shaped hoop dress. This adds a welcome element of cannibalism to my Whoppers.
6:35
The Associated Market was closed, so our household ended up going to KFC for our needs. Joe remarks that boneless original recipe was a good choice, which is untrue, since I’m a huge fan of ripping the cartilage off the ends of bones.
6:40
Although I figured that a Seahawk was a synonym for an osprey or some other fishing eagle, I’m told that it’s just a football team. Joe remarks how awesome it would be if the team was actually comprised of seahawks. This leads into a death spiral of non-sequiturs, ending with speculations about the supposed properties of the physical manifestation of the Miami Heat.
6:43
Justin cannot imagine life without the superimposed yellow line on the field. It becomes obvious that, much like wars are responsible for innovations like nylon and radar, the Superbowl is responsible for innovation in the field of little windows that pop up onscreen. I ask what the line means, for I do not know what a 'first down' entails.
6:45
Why yes, Nicholas. I would like another beer.
6:53
Joe looked-up the kid who shot up that gay bar in Massachusetts. It turns out he was a fan of Insane Klown Posse, apparently called a “juggalo.” Why is there a special name for them? I’m not sure how a conversation about a Pepsi commercial happened to spawn that conversation.
6:55
Our supply of wings is low. These football players have very appealing forearms.
6:59
Leonard Nimoy is in a commercial for Bayer. He does the voiceovers for Civilization 4, so I’ve already been hearing his voice for days.
7:01
Justin’s trying to explain the rules of football to Annie, which is a futile effort because she totally, like, doesn’t really care. Her attention is mostly fixated upon what the female sportscasters are wearing, and I’m not being sexist. They really look like they’ve been covered in cheap coffee ice cream and are wearing bicycle chains around their fat necks.
7:03
Joe kissed me about half a second after burping. He tastes of honey barbeque and acid.
7:06
My mom called to ask me if I wanted her to mail me immunization records. I told her I was watching football like a real man; whereupon hearing this she immediately apologizes and hangs up.
Annie just referred to me as both B-train and B-slice. I want to bang her so bad.
7:07
Our house is several weeks behind in our recycling, and our output of non-domestic beer bottles is mythical. Joe just joked that our kitchen table is like the Beer United Nations.
7:09
The yard-markers look like Roman Legion Standards in a fetching shade of international orange.
7:10
We are discussing the technical aspects of deleting our entire Tivo repertoire in anticipation for recording every single event of the Torino Olympics. Goodbye: Stella episode from mid-August.
7:14
In a commercial, a baseball player throws the ball and it strikes the camera. Reflexively, I draw back and raise my arms in defense. That is how good at sports I am.
7:17
Annie just got an update via cell phone that the Black Labs are winning the Puppybowl. A quick Google reveals that it airs on Animal Planet. Upon inspection, we find the cutest game ever—ever. There’s a camera at the bottom of the water bowl!
7:18
We realize that there is actually no way the Black Labs can possibly be 'winning' the Puppy Bowl, as the whole show is just puppies running around being mind-warpingly adorable.
7:27
Oh my God. It’s time for the Bissell Kitty Halftime Show!
7:29
After returning to the actual game, I was ignoring the television entirely until I heard the following. “They just pulled his pants down in order to tape up his groin.” Football hurts, I guess.
7:30
I contend that Ben Roethlisberger is attractive, but according to Joe, he’s ‘no Joey Harrington.’
7:35
The vaguely accented Overstock.com commercial lady becomes increasingly terrifying with each iteration of the franchise.
7:43
In a review of a disputed touchdown, the announcer says that this particular referee has only ruled to overturn an original call 23% of the time. It reminds me of the attention given to Samuel Alito’s ruling percentage in reference to employee discrimination lawsuits.
7:52
While the Burger King commercial was amazing, on the other end of the spectrum, is a spectacularly insipid hip-hop ode to Diet Pepsi. However, a brief romp on the 'rejected videos' section of brownandbubbly.com reveals a neo-dadaist interpretation of Diet Pepsi that has Joe dying of laughter.
8:02
Why yes, Nicholas. I would enjoy another beer.
8:06
Scrolling through the New York Times, I realize that I don’t much care for the Rolling Stones. Joe, whose eyes are still on the TV, refers to the halftime show as “flaccid.”
8:09
We’ve gone to Tivo for last night’s episode of Saturday Night Live to sustain us until the halftime show is over. Prince’s backup singers are great.
8:15
So much for my first liveblog ever. I've given up and started playing MegamanX. As of the time of my signing off, the score is
Seahawks: Whatever
Steelers: Some Multiple of 6 or 7
Also: Leigh's sister got married!
posted by Byron at 1:14 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home